I’ll start by judging you, if you’ve ever said ‘what does it matter the choice I make? Si shit will just happen if shit’s meant to happen?’ Because that’s not the point of making choices in life. No, wait, that’s the point.
I’m already blabbering.
Here’s what this piece is about; a few days ago, I got involved in a heated debate (I hate debates, arguments, verbal contests; generally, I’d rather keep my points to myself and write them down here). Someone said she cannot date financially unstable men, coz she wanna secure her future, that she wants comfort, and stability. That she is tired of being the woman who prunes and moulds men into, you know, gentlemen/better men, only for them to end up with another woman altogether. That she now wants to be the woman who gets the already pruned, polished man, ready for consumption! I was like, YAAAAAAAS GIRL! Then the debate started.
Person 1: No! Dating a well off man does not guarantee you a happy marriage! Well off men also have issues! You should not base your choice of man on what he brings to the table in terms of wealth/money/goodies! You might think things are great where the grass looks greener but you DON’T KNOW!
Person 2: WTH! Both sides of the divide have BS! I’d rather take BS from a well off man! Yes there’s no guarantee, and I’d rather take my chances of the fat side of the divide. Too long us women have taken it upon ourselves to bring up men in the name of ‘through thick and thin’, do you think there’s a man who ever marries a woman because he sees potential in her? DO YOU THINK THAT HAPPENS? NO! They select the best product of their heart’s desire. But us women, ati oh, lemme grow him, we grow together. Those men I’ve pruned, where are they? Am I married to them? Are they not now married to other women who didn’t have to grow them up? Am I less of a woman than those women who get the finished products? MSCHEEW. I will place my bets on the fat side of the divide!
ME: First of all, guys… wait… Shhh, si you keep quiet I say my point. Ah.
I might not have said my point. Or might have but not very well because it was FIREEE in that room.
So here goes, (disclaimer, totally unrelated directly to rich and poor men); we all get opportunities to make CHOICES in our lives, but we don’t really get to choose the aftermaths of those choices. AND THAT’S OKAY.
When you make a choice to go to school, you don’t know if your education is going to help you in your future, or you are going to be begging people for handouts/opportunities the rest of your life. But you will still make the choice TO GO TO SCHOOL. The better option, nah?
When you go out for lunch, you will probably choose a clean, well maintained restaurant with good service. That does not mean the food will sit well in your stomach. Next thing you could be in a toilet, tears in your eyes, your behind so painful you wish you’d rather die. But you will still make the choice to eat there. It was the better option, yes?
When we make these choices, it is as a vote of confidence in good results we potentially foresee. We make the choice that IS BEST FOR US, AT THAT TIME.
That is why I don’t see a problem with person two saying she would rather place her bet on the fat side of the divide. Things might go well, or not. At that point, she feels the choice she is making will serve her more.
I disagree with person 1 simply for the fact that I think it’s BS to tell people not to make choices they feel are best for them simply because ‘you never know what will happen’. SO WHAT? Do YOU know what will happen, from where you stand, on the other side of the divide? NO!
None of us have that power in our hands.
Like telling me not to sleep early coz I might still wake up tired in the morning, not wanting to get out of bed for work. That could actually happen (happens all the time, hahaha) I’ll sleep a little early anyway(before 1AM), the better option for me.
Or telling me I shouldn’t bother cutting down on sugar coz I might not lose some kilos anyway. Kwenda! The better option for me, again (I haven’t lost, yet. Going strong, haha!).
We don’t know tomorrow. But we have full power, and full rights, for the choices we make today.
Whatever happens tomorrow, if you made the choice you felt was best for you today, you won’t weep.