I have been meaning to write for quite a while now. And if you are a writer you know how it is. You have a story to tell, so you get a pen and paper and get your itchy fingers ready. That’s when it hits you, the first word refuses to come. The opening sentence doesn’t register. So you’ll sit there with this story in mind, trying to start it this way and that way, but it doesn’t happen.
Anyway, I finally beat that devil. There’s a lot I want to tell you, but I’d rather start off with a conversation I had with a friend two weeks ago. He happened to be the man interviewing me for an internship I had been betting on, and at some point we were talking about gender roles when he said, ‘You know the reason the woman will never really get ahead is because you bring in feelings even where only logic is needed.’ I was supposed to react in defense straightaway, right? I didn’t. I didn’t because this statement may not be entirely true, but it holds some truth in it.
Well, we could argue that that is how we women are biologically wired. You know all that story about men using only the left side of their brain which is the logical/rational side and us using both sides which means in as much as we will apply logic, we will carry our feelings along as well? But I think this is a good thing, you know, to be able to use your ENTIRE brain, else why have two sides when you only need one?
Also, women are naturally given to nurture life. Look at our mothers, despite all that we’ve put them through they still hold us up. A mother is the only human who will not eat chicken wings somewhere in town when they left money only for sukuma wiki at home. She would never do that. Because again, she will be thinking, and feeling at the same time. So why should we make feelings look so bad on us women? I’ll tell you why. Because there are women who’ve made feelings look bad on us.
There are situations in which we have failed ourselves and misused the right side of our brains. There are situations in which we bring in feelings that do not work for us in the ultimate end. Take for example, women who stay in abusive relationships because of love. Hoping that the man will change if she loves him just a little harder everyday. And then he doesn’t. And she feels emptier, and she wants out but she stays put because the feelings are working overtime and all logic has been thrown out the window. All this while the man knows he won’t change, and he is doing nothing to show he wants to change and better yet he knows he can manipulate you emotionally (not using logic) and you will stay.
Still talking of love, we have our sisters who’ve given up their careers because they fell in love with a colleague or boss and got wifed up and settled for being housewives at home and are doing nothing on the side to grow themselves because so long as the man of their dreams is by their side, they’re content. You’re the reason these men are attacking us.
Also women who bring other women down at work or in church or your women groups because she is prettier or has nice hair or has more money that you do, you’re putting us at a really fragile place. You know why they say women are their own worst enemies? Because of people like you. If we want to grow feelings za Brazilian and Abuja we have to put aside.
On the flip side, I know of women who have loved, brought forth life, nurtured, made homes for their families and still scaled the career ladder. They are there. Women who show us everyday you can combine feelings with logic and still do it. Just know where to put the feelings and where you should be rational. And where to use both, or none at all. Like when you’re sleeping.
So the statement is partly true. I think it depends with which woman you are talking about. And we can’t ignore the fact that there are men as well who feel more than they think, can we? In Kiswahili they say, kuna wanaume pia wako na umama. See translation below. Do have an emotionally rational day!
**Wanaume wako na umama are men who bring more feelings to the table than rational thinking. And they have other characteristics as well that I’d rather you tell me about 🙂